Divorce because I betrayed her trust - PART 5

[DaB35]

OK, thanks eveyrone. I'll contact them in the morning.
Won't be nice to do, but on reflection I feel I'm just doing something that is necessary rather than speeding along the D and giving the impression I want it too.

I have ups and downs - I suppose eveyrone does. Sometimes I feel really excited and happy about things and how I've really focussed on myself these last few months and made some big steps in improving my self-worth and self-image.
Then there are the times when I feel a bit low, missing W, missing our life. She even said to me, "I've loved our life together." My main regret is I moved out of the house when W asked. I should have said no and remained there til she came back from her sister's place. She did throw stuff at me at the start of it all; I remember in May her saying, "Why haven't you driven up to Scotland to see me? Where's your passion?!" Frustrating non-logic there especially since she left me a note saying "I need space..."

I know I can't keep trying to guess what she's thinking/saying; it'll drive me mad and is not useful. But sometimes it does cross my mind - certainly less frequently than before though.

My sister is upset. She doesn't understand why W would not want to try to work on the M. I'm very thankful for her support though. I'm sad that W decided in 24 hours to kill off what we had built. Of course, I lied to her and I have remorse for it. But I feel I've now channelled that remorse into PMA and sorting my problems out.

Off to the gym soon for some weight therapy!