I cheated, we survived, now my wife's cheating

[JC08]

So an update, she's still with OM. I know, none of you will be surprised by this, I know it is still way to early.

She told me the other day when I dropped kids off that she didn't mean to be rubbing this in my face, but things like that were just going happen and she's sorry. There was pictures of them on Facebook and some other small social media stuff. Then I was out walking with my kids and met them in a Polaris ranger on the road by my house. We live in a rural area, my kids all seen her with him, they really had no reason to be there, she just said sorry, didn't think we would see anyone.

I know it goes against DB rules but when she was telling me this I just looked at her, touched her face, and told her that I didn't like seeing it but it didn't change the way I felt about her. She then said something along the lines that she is just so confused.

I'm trying to do a better job at detaching, just don't know how. I know what she is doing and where is she is at when she doesn't have the kids and it kills me, but I don't care, I can only still think about her and putting things back together. I know there was more under the surface then she told me but I can't but to think we would still be improving our relationship if the OM would have never entered the picture.

I know that I am only 4 months into her affair, that really isn't anything, but I know I have zero desire to give up standing for our marriage and for her. I'm sure I'm doing things wrong, but when she tells me she doesn't want me to put my life on hold for her, I tell her she's worth it. Probably dumb, I don't try to bring up R talks but when she says stuff like that I feel like I have to respond something. Feel like if I would act like I'm moving on it would make her feel less guilty and less conflicted about the situation and her decision.

She has changed so many of her values and morals, I hope these changes are permeant. I did the same, so I just want to believe it's part of the process.

Don't have much to report or say. Except I'm still here, I'm trying to work on myself, and I still have hope. I do think it will take some time but the same day she said she was confused she also told me she still had feelings for me, that she didn't want to get hurt and she is just really guarded. Kinda raised an eyebrow on the "really guarded", you started seeing the OM instantly and he has a pretty extensive history of being a womanizer. Anyway that's where I'm currently at.