Wow kb! I feel like I’m in the exact same position as you. I just submitted my first post looking for the same help and guidance as you.
I’ve been married to my college sweetheart for 12 years and we’ve been together for about 17 years. I’ve been seeing the signs for a while now and one of them was my 40th birthday in April where I barely even saw her the whole day. My BD was on 10/08 and our 12Y anniversary was 5 days later. I bought her roses and wrote a long letter but we did nothing else that day. Both those days felt very dark and lonely. She hasn’t said the words but I know she’s not in love with me and is not attracted to me. I’ve moved to the basement and we are living like everything is ok for the kids, but I have a hard time determining if she’s actually enjoying time with me or if it’s all an act for the kids. We haven’t had any physical contact in two weeks. It’s confusing as hell and hard to stay positive but we need to realize that’s all we can do right now. Working on ourselves is the only way forward. I’ve been working out, eating better, have had one appt with an IC and have scheduled another 5, and trying to GAL.
Try small, repeatable, positive things that you can do to change your daily routine. Last night, I went to a bar by myself to watch the Steelers game. I never do that. It definitely peaked her curiosity to see me go out by myself, especially on a week night. It felt great! Small steps for now.
