Weathering the Storm

[DonH]

Wow, interesting topic with a lot here. And finally something I actually have a bit more recent experience with - FWB LOL. But let's start here:

I took her on a trip with me this last weekend, I wanted to go up to the mountains and see the fall colors, so I invited her to come along, the entire trip was on me (only additional costs of her going was her meals).

Interesting how different people can read the same paragraph but have different take aways. I read that and it would appear to me that Coconut paid for everything or pretty much everything - the hotel, the travel expense and perhaps even the meals - simply pointing out that the costs would have been pretty much the same other than meals. JuJu reads it as they went Dutch. Coconut will have to clear it up but I don't think they went dutch JuJu - I think he paid for it all.

But does that make a difference?

Here I go agreeing with Ginger again but I have to tell you, I bend over backwards not to ever make it look like I expect sex for taking someone, even a FWB, some place. For me the cruise was/is the biggest example - if it happens, great, but just like a first date, because I'm taking someone some place, I'm not expecting "benefits" - it sorta sounds like you are and that's kinda a douche thing to do.

But moreso, FWB can be very difficult to navigate - and that's just for the two people in it. Again, not to pick on JuJu, but she clearly looks down at FWB arrangements - somehow being less than. If someone is being used, I would agree but that is often not the case. However, it means both people have to be on the same page. Are you guys both on the same page?

That's where I'd start - is she on the same page as you? And here's the other thing, the page often turns. Some women use FWB thinking the guy is going to change his mind. Some start out clearly in the FWB zone but then catch feelings and resent it. It really takes a, let's say, unique woman to pull this off. I've even had it slip farther than FWB - at least feelings wise. I've also lost interest and just wanted to be friends without the benefits. Sometimes it comes and goes. It can just be tricky. Some women and some men as well use FWB as a safe zone when really they are dating - they just are afraid to admit it either to each other or to themselves. These are just a few variations of FWB and there are more.

Can I ask, is this the woman who liked every single picture in the dozen plus photos you posted? If so, I'm wondering if she's not either hoping for more, thinking it was developing to more or something like that. You clearly took steps to not post of photo of her or of you together yet she liked every photo. That speaks to me - unless it's not her then never mind LOL.

So bottom line, for me anyhow, I think you are over the line here towards being a jerk. Like Ginger said it's getting close to almost a protitutie sounding. Of course some would say that's what dating is too - no matter what you pay, it's just how the transaction happens. I'm not saying this is the case but see how the parallel can be drawn. Benefits should not be expected in return for taking someone someplace. That's just how I see it. And I see it that way with a first or second date, a FWB or someone you've dated for years. Now if this were a pattern, that's another story.

Perhaps this is what you need to answer for yourself - would you have taken this woman if you knew sex was off the table? If not, hmmmmmmm, is it really friends with benefits or just benefits? Many times, people forget about the friends part of the equation. Another reason this can be hard to pull off over the long term.