So H met up with a couple we used to socialize with. He reached out to them. I still socialize with them, but he hasn't seen them in over a year. He said that if OW knew, she would go ballistic. Well well. Already lying and sneaking.
He apparently gave "permission" to my friend to share some general things with me about what they spoke about. When she shared with me, I could tell she was choosing her words carefully. Obviously a lot more was said. I didn’t ask, though. Apparently he is miserable (not surprised). She said very, very confused. Again, not surprised. He told them that he doesn’t really want a divorce, at least he didn’t think so, and that he is feeling pressured to do something he’s not sure he wants. That he thinks we could have had a good life together.
Huh? WTH. Not in the last almost 2 years has he said anything remotely like that to me. Why now? Why to them? To what end? There is also a story about why he ended up buying a place with OW. She didn't share it with me, obviously was asked not to. Well, whatever story it is, the bottom line is he took a pen and signed the papers. His choice. He did say to them that what he did to me was wrong. He should be saying this to ME. Not them. Irritates me a bit.
I may never get a sincere apology. I’ll have to accept that. Anyway, she said she told him over and over he needed counseling, desperately. Maybe this was divine intervention to start some process for H. Who knows?
It bothered me a lot over the weekend. Thinking about all the what ifs. Wondering if I should be filing for D.
But, I realize I still must. He hasn’t reached out to me at all, and in fact sent another snarky message to me today that he won’t be pushed, bulled, or rushed to review the Marriage Settlement Agreement. This was in response to my heads up to him it was coming, and to please review it in a timely manner.
So the process marches on. I hope he doesn’t stall. If he does, I may just file for divorce, have him served, then he will have only 20 days to respond.
As much as I don’t want to be divorced, I realize I must, and want to, stay the course.
I need to keep my resolve in what’s best for me and the kids. And one can continue to stand after a divorce if one chooses, can’t they?
Do I want to? That question doesn’t have to be answered today, or tomorrow, or next week.
