Relapse and Lost Progress Part II

[sandi2]

But I truly am not concerned about her maxing out my accounts for her plane tickets etc. She most definitely does not want me to know about them or have documentation of it, for one.

I simply used the plane ticket as an example. Some WW's will charge for groceries, clothes, gas, and other every day things, while they pay cash or use a secret CC or account to cover their affair expenses.......and/or other addictions. She plans to go to Vega$! You say you are not concerned, but I'm telling you that you should be concerned. LBH's get wiped out b/c they never believed their WW would be so ruthless.

Anyway, what I really want to caution you about is thinking you know her. Tell me why she most definitely does not want you to know about the tickets? Why would she care? I mean, you are separated now.........right? So, what can you do that would cause her fear of you finding out?

I won’t lie and say part of me doesn’t fantasize about telling her to have fun in xxx state and eliminate any possibility in her mind that I don’t really know anything.

Well, get yourself situated and financially protected........and you can tell her anything you want to say! It's not going to change her waywardness. It won't get you respect. This is what some LBH's don't get. They seem to have an incredible urge to tell their WW they know about the affair or whatever, b/c they don't want her thinking she's pulled the wool over his eyes. I get it. However, it does not earn any of her respect for him. If it makes the H feel better about himself, that's fine, but until he is financially protected, I recommend he holds his cards close to his chest.

Yesterday she asked what time she could come by the house to grab some things when I would not be there. She then actually asked me if I had time to pack her stuff!

See her sense of entitlement?

I do still feel there is some testing, such as asking if I would help her pack. Or the fact she asked if I dug in the trash for her depressing note she told me she wrote while I was at the funeral. I had the thought that she told me that as some game so I would go looking and sure enough she asked if I did the night I kicked her out.

You may be right, but I don't see it as testing. The packing her stuff was coming from a sense of entitlement. You have always been ready to accommodate her. This is how you believed a spouse shows love for the other one. But she abused it and now she acts like a spoiled bratty kid. The other part is not a test, in the way we warn LBS's about emotional temperature testing. However, I agree that she sees it as a game, and it is how she gets her kicks. She enjoys teasing or haunting you in a wicked sort of way. It's another example of her manipulative skills.

She also said that night, that I do not know her. But the fact is I feel like I know her better than ever and can see exactly how she works.

I don't want to give you the creeps, but..........I think she could be referring to her capabilities. By that, I mean that there is a side of her you've not fully seen in action. I hope I'm wrong. There have been other waywards to make similar remarks to the H.........like taking a jab at him.