The last straw

[Ready2Change]

Hi Zip,

R2C...I would really appreciate any advice!

Pressures on...Thanks...LOL

I am assuming she is not actively in an affair.

She acts like I am a friend.... I see this as a roadblock in moving forward.

Q:How do I get out the friend zone?
A:Attraction and Seduction. Know the difference and know when each is appropriate.

Read this first two posts of this thread:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2061092&page=all

Focus on things under your control. Your behavior.

my IC is saying wait ... feels timing is crucial.

I agree. Personally, during this period of the process, It is critical for you to intently listen and observe and do very little talking.

she feels she could never live up to the expectations I have for a wife regarding sex.

Change the way you think of sex. From my list above, "Learn to pleasure a woman" was a good resource. "Make it all about her" is one of my mantras. Keeping things rated G, I almost always let my woman "score the touchdown" first. I make a large effort to keep things new and exciting. Pleasantly surprising her.

In your sitch, next time she is in the mood, you should be "Pleasantly different"...her response should be "Wow, that was Zip?"

There could be a change...Time is ticking away

Use your time wisely. Focus on your changes and not hers. Do not use her as the measuring stick. The measuring stick is how much you have changed.

How much different can your behavior be by the time of the wedding? Bust out of her "Stereo type" of you. IF you aren't much of a dancer, can you be an amazing dancer for the wedding? If you start practicing now with lessons, I am sure you can.

I need to GAL, which seems difficult due to the chores around the farm.

There is always a balance. With her trust issues, You can invite her:

"W,I am planning on going to watch live music this Friday. Would you like to join me?"

You are fine with a YES or NO answer, but you are going to the event no mater what she decides.

It’s like “I don’t want you, but nobody else can have you”. There isn’t anyone, period, but the response makes me think there must be something there to try building on.

You have been with her for a long time, and lots of things need fixing. Fix the things under your control. Let her be. The cat will come to you when it is ready. Don't chase the cat. Be catnip.