I think you are being pretty smart about this and examining all angles. Which really is a must when blending families.
M’s parenting and my parenting were very different . And also under very different circumstances. He only had his son on fun non responsibility time. So rules were nearly non-existent along with bedtimes, etc. that kid got what he wanted, when he wanted, where he wanted , and how he wanted. Not regimented in the least. I, on the other hand am not strict, but we have rules . She gets snack and treats, but not a 10th snack and treats are generally earned . I remember one night on vacation we all ate dinner and he refused to eat. Wanted to play instead. So when we got to the boardwalk he decided he was hungry so we all had to stop and watch and wait while he ate. That wouldn’t fly with me. 5 years old, or 10 years old, doesn’t matter. He also opened his mouth anytime I was disciplining my daughter to tell me to stop. I felt like telling him maybe he needs to start with his son. Although his kid is a generally good kid, but is well aware he can get whatever he wants from daddy because he so desperately wants to be the favorite parent.
You’ll figure it out. But it definitely does take time to figure out. It’s also a big reason why many divorced people with kids live together apart when they commit
