Friday night spent at home relaxing and enjoying a crisp, cold night with some hot chocolate. Saturday ww left for a weekend getaway trip with one of her friends. They were going back to a Halloween pumpkin show, the same place where my nightmare began 1 year ago. Determined not to mope and continuing to GAL and live my best life, I put on my Halloween costume and went out with friends. WW and I were texting all day and night and I think it was killing her to not spend our festivities together. I'm happy to report that none of my decisions as of lately have been anything to do with her. If I want to go out with friends, I go. Not thinking "ohhh, I'll go and she will think or do xyz". So yeah, I'm caring much less about what she will think about anything I'm doing or not doing. WW called to say ILY and tell me good night. She expressed feeling sad that we weren't together and I just validated her feelings and said goodnight.
Sunday, ww calls me in the morning before the drive home. She invites me over for a football game and some food. I told her I didn't know yet whether I was going to get out. Instantly, she became short and hurt that I didn't readily accept. She promptly ended the phone call and remained distant the rest of the morning. I got up, made coffee, enjoyed my morning, and thought about whether to go. After much deliberation, I decided I would really enjoy myself. I went to her house, we cooked together (something we have always enjoyed), and watched our team play a horrible game - but loved it none the less. She wrapped me up in several hugs throughout the day and we almost kissed a couple of times.
I know some 2*4s are coming - and I'm completely OK with those. I'm still 100% focused on me, and truth be told, I have given up any drive or desire to fix this. Because here's the deal folks - WE CAN'T FIX ANY OF IT. It has taken me a long, long time to reach the point of surrender. But thank God, I'm finally here. Where I know without a shadow of a doubt I'm going to be ok either way. Heck, I might be better off without her. I don't know for sure, but I think things have ended with AP. Not to say that she won't be going back in 3 weeks time. Which is why I have walls up and am not getting attached to any notions. She hasn't talked about any of it, and I really don't care to ask. I'm done playing games and trying to win. I'm going to live my life.
I hope you all had a great weekend. Thanks for listening!
LBW 32 - me WW 31 T 7 M 4 No Kids 4 dogs
Separated 1y Navigating the mine field and GAL with or without
