Hi everyone, I hope life finds you well. I don't have really much to report outside of life is normal and just moving right along. I have the girls this week so we went out Trick or Treating last night with the neighbors and then later we stopped by the Dr's house so we could walk with her and her son for a bit. The Dr. and I are still dating, we spend the weekends together when we don't have the kids and when we do have the kids we get together with all the kids maybe one night or two night during the week. Tonight me and the girls are going over to her place for a sleepover with her and her son (this is the first time for the kids). The time that we spend together as a psuedo blended family is increasing. She still has not met my mom and stepdad yet or the XW but for the most part she has met everyone else. She makes marriage comments here and there, makes statements about places we are going to visit after we retire so I know that is where she is headed. I am still in no hurry, it doesn't scare me when she makes those comments but I am still in no rush. It is very comfortable, a comfortable pace and I don't find my emotions controlling me, I feel very centered and in control.
Outside of that things are really great. The girls are good, just wrapping up Soccer season. We have 1 game left and a couple of tournaments to close out the year and then basketball will start for my youngest.
Nothing new with the XW. I have the girls this week and she came over to the house for Trick or Treating. She texted me and asked if it was ok. Fine by me she is certainly welcome. She still sends me random stuff, things that she finds funny that she runs across, pictures, etc. She did get in a minor fender bender and texted me about that. At our D's soccer game I helped her tape up the mirror but I still don't ask her any questions about her personal life or get involved outside of it involving my girls and she respects my boundaries. I think she is still dating the same guy but I really don't know for sure. I still have not met him.
Awesome. Sounds like you are headed on over to marriage land again!
Ha! Sure, he say's:
Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9
I am still in no hurry, it doesn't scare me when she makes those comments but I am still in no rush. It is very comfortable, a comfortable pace and I don't find my emotions controlling me, I feel very centered and in control.
So let's see if we can't scare him a bit and knock him off of that center! LOL. I am totally, totally just kidding. In all honesty you do sound like you are doing great. I compare that to the Joseph that was here reporting on herpes girl and some of the other crazies that you dated, knew were crazy, but somehow still wanted. I'm sure now you see the HUGE contrast between them and the doctor - but I think many of us see a contrast in you as well - in a good way.
So what happens if she starts pushing you more? It's still somewhat early - clearly - her not even meeting key family members of yours yet. But what if this were November 2020 and she's clearly expecting a ring for Christmas? Are you ready to go there again? Good for you if you are. I just wonder if you'll still be saying it doesn't scare you and you are centered and in control? I kinda hope you do - especially if that's what you want. It's just that us guys, many anyhow, would be totally fine just continuing along exactly like you are now and for many more years. For some reason, many girls are missing that gene and have to have a ring on it to feel whole.
You've likely got time yet. Something tells me she just won't wait forever if marriage is what her plan is.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Lol.....well I know that is what her plan is but I will hang on to this arrangement as long as I can. Maybe at some point she will ask me!
The sleepover was fine. Not something I am ready for every weekend with the kids as I want to be really careful with my daughters and her son. I just dont want to force them into this immediate family.
My oldest got sick over the weekend so the dr prescribed her some meds. I told the xw bout it over text and she asked me if "the good doctor" prescribed them to her. I told her she did, or was a sat and her regular dra office was closed. Anyway, I thought referring to her as the good dr was a little back handed comment. I get the sense she is a little jealous. Oh well.
There really is no reason to have sleepovers every weekend with the kids. Hang out , fine, but no need to be out of their home. It’s good to know it can be done to test the waters of living together. But I think it’s super important, even if you were living to together, that you still have time alone with your girls, and she still has time alone with her son. Remember, your girls get half time with you and probably would really like your undivided attention every now and the . And trust me, they will get older and the will start leaning towards their friends, but now is an important time for daddy daughter time.
You do know “the good doctor” is a Tv show about an autistic surgeon, right?
Yes, I know it's a show. But she does have a name you know?
I agree, I don't plan on doing it very frequently. They get along just fine with each other, but I also don't want them to feel forced into an immediate family either. The house that I live in my girls grew up in so I am sensitive to that. I have no problems doing things together as a group, etc. but I don't want sleepovers either. I don't want my girls to feel uncomfortable. Her son seems to not care at all although he is rather immature.
We have also not discussed or had any in-depth discussions on parenting, expectations, or any of the little details about what it would look like if we got married. She is very strict with her son, doesn't give him an inch. Me, not so much. My girls want a snack, go get a snack. They want doughnuts, i'll be right back. She is not that way and is very regimented with him. So we have not had any of those parental discussions, or would we buy a new house, etc. etc. None of that has come up, so we have a ways to go.
If she wants to bring it up she can but it won't be coming from me.
I think you are being pretty smart about this and examining all angles. Which really is a must when blending families.
M’s parenting and my parenting were very different . And also under very different circumstances. He only had his son on fun non responsibility time. So rules were nearly non-existent along with bedtimes, etc. that kid got what he wanted, when he wanted, where he wanted , and how he wanted. Not regimented in the least. I, on the other hand am not strict, but we have rules . She gets snack and treats, but not a 10th snack and treats are generally earned . I remember one night on vacation we all ate dinner and he refused to eat. Wanted to play instead. So when we got to the boardwalk he decided he was hungry so we all had to stop and watch and wait while he ate. That wouldn’t fly with me. 5 years old, or 10 years old, doesn’t matter. He also opened his mouth anytime I was disciplining my daughter to tell me to stop. I felt like telling him maybe he needs to start with his son. Although his kid is a generally good kid, but is well aware he can get whatever he wants from daddy because he so desperately wants to be the favorite parent.
You’ll figure it out. But it definitely does take time to figure out. It’s also a big reason why many divorced people with kids live together apart when they commit
Obviously having my girls 1/2 the time, it's not always a party when they are with me. I am just naturally a laid back person so some things just don't bother me or hit my radar. Her son's bed time is 7:30, they start the process at 7 pm with teeth brushing, book reading, and prayers. My girls bed time is 8:30 and I am not nearly as structured. So there are some major differences If she asks me for advice I will give it but I have never questioned her or corrected her when she is disciplining her son. That said I also don't want to restrict my girls from things they enjoy just because she doesn't allow her son to have it. for example, my girls wanted juice with dinner....I really don't care however she wouldn't let him have juice it was either milk or water. Again, just some differences.
Her also is bigger than mine and paid off. Both are 4 bedrooms but she has more square footage. Both my daughters, especially my oldest would want her own bedroom. Her son has his own room so there are two other bedrooms that are not being used. Her sister comes flys in from California once a month to visit and stays in one of the rooms. That's great and all but I would not want that to be a factor/cause for my girls having to share a room.
I know some of this stuff is really minor in the grand scheme of things however I don't want my daughters feeling like they are second class citizens because he is the only kid she has and is the prodigal son. I won't let that happen, it's very much on my radar.
We actually almost kind of got into it on Friday night. My oldest asked her a question about something on a bottle and the Dr. kind of snapped back that she could read the side of it. I turned my head real quick, shot her a look and she apologized immediately. So the kid/parental navigation is definitely challenging.
Her son is a very sweet little boy, just very immature, still very babyish. Wimpy, carries around stuffed animals, calls people character names, giggles all the time. He is only 8 but I guess boys mature slower than girls. And of course she thinks he is so smart, and the brightest kid in the room. It's kind of annoying to be honest. I just want to tell him to nut up and be a man, quit crying and acting like a little baby. Those are the times I just go home and enjoy the silence.
Sounds like y'all are in a good place but that the whole kid thing will definitely be a challenge if it does move to a more permanent partnership. I know I have said this to you before, but one of the things I like about this board is "hearing" how other people think. One of the things you said about all of this that really stuck out to me was that y'all haven't had any indepth discussions about moving in, parenting together, etc. and if she wants to bring it up she can, but you are not going to. That's certainly your right and prerogative and I'm not at all questioning that, but that just struck me as odd. You have joked more than once about her asking you to get married. Is that what you are really hoping for? What if she did ask? Would you say yes or would you put her off? Just curious....don't feel like you have to answer. Maybe it is just me, but the way you worded that feels like you are holding something back or you are unsure of where you want to go (and again, nothing wrong with that, if it is the case).
As far as her son, he's 8, not 18 so telling him to nut up MIGHT not be the best way to stay in his mother's good graces. That cracked me up though. I mean, I picture a really whiny, annoying, super immature kid when you describe him, but then again, he's an 8 year old boy so doesn't whiny, annoying and super immature just kind of go with the territory?
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
