I’m going to disagree all with DS in that saying high and goodbye are the proper things to do. You are above the pettiness. No need to thumbs up the other nonsense.
I'm not coming to school event tonight. You can either meet son from school or pick him up from the home at 4pm."
This cycle of coldness from someone whom I've been so close to really hurts.
I accept all my faults, but the narrative continues that she is the victim and I the one who caused all the damage, There is zero trust or acceptance from her. I am no longer a human being in her eyes.
I replied I will pick son up from the house and return him after.
She replies Ok. I want us to stop co-parenting and look at this parallel parenting app.
Stupidly I replied " is there something I have done for us to stop co parenting and switch to parallel parenting?
Her: 15 years of emotional abuse!
Me: I'm sorry you feel we can't co parent or navigate this amicably. I have been trying hard to do everything you have asked through all this.
Her: I haven't asked anything from you! ( except for leaving the house, leaving our business, jumping whenever she needs a hand with the kids, 50/50 parenting from next week regardless of logistics or finances)
Her again: I don't have to communicate with you about anything except the kids.
Me: I would prefer we did this amicably, im sure I've made some mistakes In dealing with all of this, I don't wish you any Ill will and will look at the app"
I feel like I've blown it, what the heck can I do next. 5 mins later she's messaging about work related things.
It's crazy, Jdevast. Lots of us have been through the same thing of being demonized by our WAS. I think alot of WAS's need to do this in order to continue to justify their shitty behavior. The over the top accusations, and exaggerated abuse claims
There's nothing you can do about it. Continue to carry yourself with grace and integrity. Don't let her bait you into a fight, and don't kiss her ass either. Stay right in the middle of the road. She wants you to blow up so she can say "See? You are an abuser!" and then carry on with whatever she feels is best for her.
Show her nothing but strength and continue to make your kids your #1 priority.
It's just so painful. And it's amazing how quickly the switch seems to flip in them to begin treating you coldly or like you're the dog poop stuck to the bottom of their shoe.
My WW has been in an EA (possibly PA) since mid-August and the only time we see or speak to each other now is when we exchange our S4 on Sundays in a retail parking lot. I equate it to trying to converse with a 14-year-old because all she does now is just mumble, avoid eye contact, and avoid answering any kind of question.
Yesterday her tactic was to message me two hours before exchange time and tell me we need to meet two hours later because they're going to take pictures. Come to find out the pictures were with my son, [AP], [AP's child], and my wife. I just said "Sounds great. See you then!"
But it is tough taking the high road. The divorce hasn't even been filed yet.
Im kind of in the same boat as you, Jdevast. One thing I started doing is not being so responsive to her texts, particularly if she's treated me poorly. I claim to be busy a lot or just avoid being so accessible via phone.
Jdv, there is no explanations. I wish there were. My W would cycle between knowing she was done and wanted a D to potentially inviting couples from church over for dinner? It was a whirlwind of 180 changes in direction overnight.
The only thing I can tell you is that right now she is a crazy person. Her reality is what it is in any given moment. One moment she can't forgive you for 15 years of "emotional abuse" (FYI in must cases this is a grossly over exaggeration used to justify other behaviors), the next she is leaning on you emotionally for work crap. If someone emotionally abused you why would you emotionally rely on them?
The WAS, and especially WS, mind is a dangerous place to be. My W looked back on that period of her life and admitted that she had no idea what she was going to feel from minute to minute.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
