Not willing to quit

[Turbine]

Yeah... hard to let go when you are of a control mindset. Play by the rules, do the right stuff. Get the award. Well the rules are garbage. Yes,I wanted to use other words. But I am trying to be a better and improved me. I didn't swear often to begin with and trying to get to not at all. There are many who never do. Guardians of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier are one such group.

I feel that no one who has impact in what is happening is listening. Not my W, the lawyers, the court. Adds to the frustration. As does the games.

If she is gone and done with us, then why being so catty about my dealing with my stuff? A test? See if saying I want/am different (not said in a long time btw) and showing are just a trick? I don't want the trick. Faking it to get her back would be right where we are again.

I want the should be. I can only show that and weather what ever she throws at me. I'm not sure how to picture life without her. Probably because it is so alien from what I had imagined. Hmmm. another epiphany... not how we imagined, but I. Not sure I can provide what she wants or thought we would be. Maybe because I didn't listen.

I want to listen. To be the unbreakable rock for her. Yet all she can see is a sand castle that has been washed away.

Not very happy thoughts to start my Sunday with.

Maybe a trip to the gym will help. I need to go because I have been slipping with my hours at work.