Not a vet or expert... but it seems to be eating away at you, so you should probably do some recon to find the truth. You need to know what you are dealing with right now, and eventually any real chance at R will require the truth anyways.
Be mentally prepared for the worst, know that you will have a rush of emotions... anger, hurt, confusion, etc... so do not do say or do anything while you are emotional.
I personally always like the truth, no matter how much it hurts. And I'm very analytical and I obsess / dig into details - it's not for everyone. Metaphorically, I like keep touching the hot stove because it helps me detach. Experts suggest that before you dig into more details, take a day and ask yourself will it help you before you do.
On the optimistic side, you could find out there is no EA either
