Another case of WW

[hoosjim]

..And i should add to the above that your WW "getting past" the A and the OM is only part of the equation... and not even the most important part at that. AFTER the affair is over (Ending all EMA's is absolutely required before any constructive work on the MR can be done), then and only then can you embark, if possible, on "working on the MR"... and THAT can take a very very long time in itself, and that's even assuming it can happen right away... Sometimes (many here would say always, though i do not agree and my sitch did not so play out) there has to be a separation period... which can sometimes be a period of years.

I say this not to scare but to reinforce in you the the idea that THIS ALL TAKES TIME. Rome wasn't built in a day, your marriage wasn't wrecked in just a day, and it wont be fixed in just a day. It took y'all a while to reach this point (yes, the affair may have"just started", but it took your W and your MR a long time to get to the point where she felt like she needed or wanted to "step out"), and, if it is fixable, it will take you a while to fix it. Don't expect it to happen overnight, or even in a few weeks. It's a marathon not a sprint. One of the reasons that more afflicted marriages than not end up failing. It's just very hard.

In my many readings, I've seen timeframes from 6 months to two years for affairs to "die a natural death", but who really knows... there's a lot of variables. (In my case it took 16 months from when i would consider the relationship to have crossed over into an "EA" until the point in time when all contact was cutoff and I would consider my W to have been for all intents and purposes "over" the OM and willing to commit to working on our MR). Even if a WW agrees to NC with OM and to work on MR, for whatever reason, it can still take a lengthy period of "mourning"--weeks to months-- before she is completely over it. Sandi2's threads relay alot of it well as she herself went through such an period. Once that hurdle is jumped, you'd have counselling and the like, and "piecing", assuming both parties are willing to do that work. And that can take years. My W and were pretty lucky but tbh we're still "working" and there are still "ghosts" and we are closing in on 3 years since the initial BD, and we are PAST the three year point from when her affair actually began.