Divorce because I betrayed her trust - THREAD 4

[DaB35]

Yours is the fastest, most whirlwind divorce I've ever seen!
(And, ostensibly for something few would divorce over.)

Do I get a prize?! lol

My W caught me using porn before twice. 1st time, August 2017: I forgot the change the TV channel over from when I watched a naughty channel late one night when she was away for the weekend. Genuinely, this was for a few minutes and out of curiosity. It was 1am and I was tired from work, then I just switched the TV off and went to sleep within minutes. I then got up the next morning and totally forgot I'd flicked channels. The next night whe nshe returned, she turned the TV on at 10pm to watch Family Guy, and then she saw the name of the channel...oops. She was upset but we made up before we went to bed that night. Said no more about it.

2nd time, December 2017: I had looked at some pictures on my phone on a free website and forgot to close the window. I just locked my screen. She saw them when I unlocked my phone as she was sitting next to me. She was very upset and I slept in the spare room for one night. She forgave me, but was worried that I didn't want to be married to her and thought I felt she was unattractive (I can see why she'd think that).

So yes, in the grand scheme of things, those first two instances of my getting caught I've described above were rather minor. Not justifying it at all though.

In January 2018 she told me she was still thinking about it and said she was unhappy about it all. She asked me if there was anything else she should know about. At this point I looked my W in the eyes...and lied to her. I said 'no'. I didn't tell her about the profile I had set up on a tube site and was maintaining it, contributing to it, making 'friends', messaging other users, commenting on pics etc. for years. Almost the length of our entire relationship. At this point I had not begun to message women for pics etc.

The NGS in me was rife: hide all flaws, avoid conflict, keep doing the same thing, being fearful of change and taking a step out of comfort zone. At that point, I did think I had a problem and was tired of doing it, but I just didn't reach out for help. This is what she discovered in May (forgot to close iPad down). Saw everything all at once. Everything was out in the open. She therefore felt that because of the extent of the lying (years behind her back being on sites), I didn't love her and didn't want her at all and preferred this because I was dishonest.

Another underlying issue was communication which I mentioned in parts 1/2 of my threads. She would be upset that I wouldn't "ravish her" but I felt that is not what she wanted or she gave off signals that she wasn't interested most of the time. I therefore assumed that I shouldn't be too forthright. But actually it was what she wanted. NGS again not changing, doing the same thing expecting the same results. Fear of being spontaneous.

So yeah, roughly 24hrs after that discovery in May, that was when she emailed me saying we're separated and she intended to divorce me.

Her argument is "People have divorced over things less worse than this!" She told me of a man she met at a conference who divorced his wife because she got into £3,000 of debt. Not affecting both of their finances, just her. I didn't express my thoughts on this to W (NGS again, avoid conflict/arguments) but I thought: if someone I knew got into £3k of debt, I'd just suggest she gets a second job and not eat out in restaurants for some time whilst she pays it off!

Yes I wonder what will happen regarding friend circles. My W is close to a lot of my friends but they don't live near her. She is giving up a lot of connections with some nice people.

Good job keeping on.

Absolutely, thanks. I've actually surprised myself at how quickly I've turned things around.