It sounds like your situation has mostly played out. Sorry about her affair--and the birthday BD, no less!
Originally Posted by NewLife3
She has literally shared my abuse with everyone on "her side" as justification for the affair.. Well yeah, she cheated, but
So, she did wrong in starting an affair (maybe emotional, maybe physical) seven days before BD instead of just leaving. She says the main factor in her choice was suffering years of verbal and emotional abuse. Is that hard to hear? She saw an easy way out and took it. It sounds like you're on the right path with counseling to work through your anger over her cheating and her therapist apparently suggesting D, to be angry less often, and to deal with anger in a more constructive way.
Before BD, I used to think in terms of "fighting less" with my partner--I'd point out our success reducing it from daily to once every 3 days. Now fighting is rare.. because.. why? Learning to listen really helped. Once I listened more, she listened more, and we both felt less need to yell to be heard.
These changes you're making will make a big difference in your next relationship.
