Thanks guys - I know there is no rhyme or reason to it. At times I'm so incredulous as to how unaware my W seems of the situation she's put us all in.
Par for the course.
As DS9 said this is probably compartmentalization. Keep what's useful, discard the rest. We all do it, to varying degrees. It may appear blatant and obvious to you, but it is not to her. Maybe she feels guilty and needs to "play family" a bit to try to deal with it. But also be aware that we all are living with different narratives running in our heads, and other people may also be able to point out the inconsistencies and cognitive dissonance. I'm only saying this to suggest you have some compassion that she is going through her own struggle.
Let her deal with her emotions. It's the best gift you can give yourself. Then you can make decisions about what you want to do with confidence.
My W invited me over to trick or treat tonight with the kids. My initial reaction was No, that I don't want to play family. But when I thought about what *I* want to do, on my own terms, I thought... of course I want to see the kids in their costumes and take them around and have fun. Am I enabling my W by doing this? Possibly. Or maybe I shouldn't care at all what she thinks, or what message I am sending. I'm going to spend time with my kids, and I'm going to have fun.
Anyways, it is funny the things they will say and do. Everyone (LBS and WAS) is just trying to cope in their own flawed human way.
