I don't really know how to describe my situation anymore. He is still very much a presence in my life. Apart from the not touching, if you saw us, you would think we were together. The resentment (on both sides) is still there. It rears its head (money, control) but we both push it down when it comes up because neither of us want to rock the boat.
This is such a perfect description of the new equilibrium that gets established in these situations. Things change, and then they become a new sort of limbo -- still unresolved, but different from before, no better or worse. Things just...are. We LBSs reach a point where we don't aim for R. We aren't quite stuck, and we start moving on with our lives. We even enjoy our new lives in many ways. But there is a wistfulness there too, hard to describe.
I wish I could figure out how to let go of my own resentment. St. Augustine said (paraphrasing here): "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." At the same time, the things I resent are things that would need to change for us to become anything other than co-parents. And I know it's not going to happen.
Really glad to hear you are enjoying life to the fullest as best as you can - it is inspiring.
