I think we're getting out in the weeds. Iowa, your W hasn't been meeting these guys or revealing her identity as far as we know. This puts you ahead of most of situations here. She even lied about why she went to her sister's place, so that's good that she isn't ready to tell everyone that there are problems yet. Those a huge positives!
What's her number 1 dealio right now? She wants to be wanted!!!!! So work on attraction. Read about what women are attracted to. Be calm, strong, engaging, make eye contact, listen, ask questions, don't be overly needy. Make this woman love you, be that guy you were on your first year of dating. You can probably pursue a LITTLE just don't be needy or whiny IMO.
If y'all talk just listen to her. Understand what she says, validate her feelings, ask questions, reflect her statements back to her. Don't inject your feelings for the time being! There may be a time when she'll discuss your feelings but let her bring it up down the road.
I appreciate this. Sorry for being confrontational to every. I'm hurting and angry. i'm trying to calm. My plan over the next few days is as follows.
1. tonight I'm not going to have an talks about the marriage. I will just trick or treat and get the eff out of there after. 2. I'm going to limit my interactions with my wife either by text or phone. 3. This will give me time to read up on boundaries and validation. I feel I've been making too many mistakes in this process. my mind is everywhere these days. 4. I heard of a book called After the Affair. I'm treating her posting nudes as an affair. 5. I'm going to do some project around the house that I have put off. It's a good time with the kids gone because they can be distracting.
