There’s a difference between ultimatums and boundaries and it takes awhile to understand the difference.
Let’s look at the difference:
I will not tolerate you posting nudes on a website.
Or
I will not be in a marriage where my wife posts nudes on a website.
One is about control and the other is about protecting your values.
Now let’s look at the consequences for boundary if you set it correctly.
You asked W to move out. What if she says no I’m not moving out. Then what?
Now you panicked and decided to pursue and have a relationship talk which will probably end badly for you.
That’s good that you are able to get some counseling.
Slow down and take some deep breathes and come here before making any decisions because unfortunately you are starting to act out of fear and that usually makes things worse.
I really can't tell a difference in your statements. They both seem controlling (I'm really trying to learn here)
If I say that I won't be in a marriage where my wife posts nude, is that just begging to get a divorce?