All of that makes me question whether you did all of cadet's reading. Or if you've carefully considered the advice that was given. What happens a lot is is that LBSs come here and want the forum to give them the magic bullet. "Tell me what to do so that tomorrow this will all go away!" Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. I wish it did. For all our' sakes.
What we can help you with is not getting into a situation like you are now. I admittedly am not an expert on boundaries, but boundaries are not demands or ultimatums. They are not things like "you CANNOT take pictures like that and send them from our house!" A boundary is something you set and then take action on yourself.
Boundary: I will not tolerate my W taking nude photos and sending them to other men on the internet, Action if boundary is crossed: I will move all of her stuff out of the MBR into the guest bedroom, basement or somewhere else, and make it clear that she is not welcome back into the MBR until assurances with transparency that it has ceased are in place.
Note, that is also how you take respect back. Commanding respect is about ACTION, not WORDS. Shouting at her, making unenforceable threats, and threatening to tell others doesn't command respect.
See I don't get it. Here is my thinking.
Boundary: I will not tolerate my W taking topless photos and posting them to the internet,
Action if boundary is crossed: I ask her to move out.
I don't know how letting her move out of the MBR is any sort of big deal. As you recall, she wanted to sleep alone. This is a win-win. Moving her stuff seems controlling and passive aggressive.
A couple of people suggest that I shouldn't be a Mister Nice Guy. Isn't in weak to say, hey you can still do something I find hurtful...but you just can't sleep in our bedroom?
I know you want to beat me up for making a threat in the heat of an argument, but I thought I was following the advice.
Anyway, I caved and asked her to come over for trick and treating. She said she wouldn't. I said that I would be over at her sisters to go out with the kids and I wondered if we could get some time to talk. She said "Maybe." So that's a positive. I said that I was still attracted to her and she didn't respond.
I went to the local college to ask about counseling with the students (it's really the only low cost option) I have an appointment next week but it might be too late.
