I've felt her distant from my the last 2 years, first she wouldn't say "I love you" just "me too" when I would say it. And last year she wouldn't even respond.
Definite red flags, except hard to recognize how serious it was at the time. She's clearly been checked out a very long time.
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I've been wanting to talk to her about our issues for a while and finally had the chance more than 2 months ago. She told me "I haven't loved you for 6 years (very specific), we don't have a relationship and we should get divorced".
First you need to understand what you are up against. She absolutely means this, she is completely done. That may change in the future but for right now, she does not want to be married to you and all of your attempts to placate her by taking over kid responsibilities and such are having no impact and might even be making her angry. I know this is going to hurt to hear but you need to understand this- not only does she not love you but she may not even like you and quite possibly finds you repulsive. So when we save to give her time and space, it's the ONLY thing you can realistically do that won't make things worse. So try to think of someone you find repulsive. Now imagine them trying to constantly be around you and touch you and tell you they love you and take over your home responsibilities. You would absolutely hate it, right? That's where she is right now.
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However yesterday she had an accident (very minor) because she was texting me and driving (talking about the divorce :-/). I asked her if she was ok, she wouldn't answer ... she would just tell me "your car is ok", "your car is ok". When I got to the scene of the accident she was cold and distant, she got back on the car at the end and started crying. I got in the car, sat next to her to calm her down she kept telling me (not yelling) to leave the car.
I intercepted a message after BD from my XW to her best friend in which she said her WORST NIGHTMARE was imagining herself getting sick and me having to take care of her. She actually said that- "worst nightmare". Wow what a shock that was, the person who wanted to spend their life with me in sickness and health now suddenly couldn't stand the thought of me helping her. So your W's reaction doesn't surprise me at all. A switch has flipped and she doesn't want you as a husband or you performing any husbandly duties no matter how well-intentioned.
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So all the techniques here are about detaching, giving space and distance, and I get that. However, I'm running out of time and I feel like I have to keep finding opportunities to connect with her somehow, specially emotionally.
Nope, you don't get it. Hopefully after reading the above you have a better idea though. DO NOT TRY TO CONNECT WITH HER RIGHT NOW! Especially emotionally.
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If I just detach and not engage her enough, I feel like I'm just going to run out of time and there'll be no way to stop this divorce.
If it's all set up for December then you probably can't stop it no matter what. Unfortunately it only takes one person to divorce, it's not a mutual agreement. Best you can do is take a long term view and hope that down the road she'll have a change of heart.
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Last night she told me she wanted to be with somebody that wasn't 50/50 , 20/80 but 100% ... I really want to see how I can show her and make her feel that that person can be me.
You show her by making changes in yourself not for her, but for you. Do 180's, get in shape if you need to, dress better, get back in touch with old friends, make new ones, get out and GAL. Become strong, independent, happy, healthy. And be patient, it could be a year or more before she even begins to soften.
