What do you guys do (or don't do) about resentments?
The day my wife told me about the divorce, she said she had a lot of pain/hurts ... that they were like nails on wood. You could remove them but they would leave a mark. She's mentioned them a lot since then when we get to talk about that, often she brings up a new one so it's not a consistent list.
When we talked the other night, it was really good to listen to her and she volunteered them without me asking her to tell me. But I don't know what else to do, I think whatever form of relationship (at least as co-parents) would benefit from healing those resentments.
It's strange because she started with those, when she dropped the bomb, in the middle of this process she told me she wasn't angry or bitter about anything, but then lately they've come up again.
Related to that is her relationship with our oldest daughter. They used to fight a lot, and I was the good cop to her bad cop. I think she felt unsupported/betrayed by that (she hasn't told me). She told me how in counseling our daughter would say how much she hated her, etc. I complimented my wife on how much she did for her anyways, and she started crying uncontrollably. I didn't hug her, but I wanted to so bad.
I know I can't say magic words to heal her wounds. But at least I felt that she bringing them up again and me listening helps in some way. I don't know ...
