The other shoe

[SoTorn]

You can absolutely set a boundary. But the boundary is for you. We are not judging you here. Dont feel bad. Your conversation is now the past and another lesson learned. Its extremely difficult to communicate when you are upset. Obviously you were upset. If you are upset, then dont talk. Back off and cool down.

We all said things to our WW out of hurt. Because it sure as hell hurts. You still have an opportunity. Your wife absolutely told you what she wants. She didnt say she wants a D or to leave you. She said she wants to feel sexy and desired. So be that man.

Validate her feelings. Like said above, validating is not agreeing. Its simply showing you are listening and understanding. You can absolutely tell her how her actions made you feel. Communication goes both ways.

Instead of "your actions are disgusting and disrespectful " you say "I understand you want to be desired. However, your actions make me feel disrespected and hurt"