LR, I know you want to make sense of his actions and understand what he's thinking, but you can't. More than likely he doesn't even know why himself. He'll be all over the place in his words and actions. It'll drive you crazy trying to understand it. The more you detach and give him time and space, then the more he will pursue you and flirt and such. It doesn't mean he's changed his mind about things, it's just him trying to keep you hanging on as Plan B while he decides what he wants to do. Just leave him alone, keep contact to a minimum. Find fun things to do without him. Keep working on the weight loss. Spruce up your wardrobe if you need to. Change your hair style. It'll all make him wonder and worry and be jealous and see you as higher value then he does right now.
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This is out of character for him.
THAT is something you'll need to get used to. WAS's almost all behave in strange, unexpected ways that seem contradictory to their previous morals and values.
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Now I'm not sure what to make of all this. Prior to BD, I thought H was suffering from depression, but during BD he said his "depression" was just him being unhappy in the marriage and wanting a divorce. I will admit that he has seemed happier, at least initially, but now I'm not so sure.
You'll never figure it out! One big lesson in DB'ing is you have to let go of the need to know "why" (why did he leave, why is he behaving this way, why won't he snap out of it).
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I don't know if I'm reading too much into this or not, but I get the impression that whatever was affecting his mood prior to BD is still there, and now it looks like he's trying to utilize any coping mechanism he can.
He is blaming you for every shred of unhappiness in his life. He got beat up in the 2nd grade for lunch money and now he realizes it was all your fault, that sort of nonsense. You have to remove yourself from the equation so he can sort out the true source of his unhappiness (himself). That's the idea behind giving him time and space while you work on yourself.
