Beyond not lasting, if you silently change for someone else, there's a higher chance of resentment. You run the danger of a covert contract, something NMMNG advocates frequently warn about. If your marriage is failing because you rarely listen and don't keep the house up to their standards--fix the listening. Pick the change that would be a positive one in your life that you'd want to make regardless of whether they return to your life or not. You'll resent keeping the house up to their standards if they don't decide to return.
(If they do return, you can always work out an explicit contract where they get more of what they want--e.g., house to their standards--in return for them putting in more of that effort or doing things for you!)
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
