Hoosjim's back... and maybe his WW, too (?)

[hoosjim]

So here is the thing. I will quote a line from Queensryche, "I Don't Believe In Love""

"She said she loved me,
I guess I never knew,
But do we ever,
Ever really know?"

I love this forum. If for no other reason than that i know i can come here and get Queensryche in response to a post...

You of course raise several good points, Steve, and some of those have already been swirling in my head. Does it really, at the end of the day, matter? Any more than if I (or she) has a one-time fleeting thought at some point about another member of the opposite sex ("Hmmm, nice, wonder what...")? And would i believe her 100% if she said "no"? Perhaps not. Probably the only way i 100% believe her is if she were to say "yes." I certainly don't think I'd take any action at this point... we both "chose" to come back, I had certain paramaters/boundaries that i insisted on, certain things i absolutely needed her to fess up to and come clean on... and she did. And we've had a great relationship with only one, to this point, hiccup. At this point we've each accepted the other back, at this point pretty unconditionally (barring obviously any future infidelities) and are moving forward. Maybe i just want to know more details about that night, idk... even if she lied when telling me, i'm just wondering how it came about, what the context was...why she never mentioned it as she came clean on everything else... even after i made it clear i knew about that. She's certainly come clean about things that i know were extremely difficult for her to admit to, but not that. Given everything else she's said/done, it would have been consistent of her to bring that up at some point, so regularly has she voiced remorse and sorrow over both the general situation and about specific wrongs, especially ones she knows i know about and that bother me.

And i am probably making it sound on here like it is a bigger deal to me than it actually is... I am not about to walk out on her or even go off on her or anything. But it has put a thorn in me, and I am constantly on guard nowadays for things that might threaten or weaken the relationship, even down the road, and having this dark doubt in the back of my mind sure seems like it might qualify.

I'd thought about the IC option, but the IC in my case is also our MC. Not sure i could really see her confidentially. I mean, of course i could see her confidentially, but W and i have resolved to be very open with each other, to discuss if we have any concerns, doubts, or issues, and we have generally done so, and MC is generally of the opinion that H/W should generally be completely open/honest with each other. That said, MC has, in the past, confidentially served each of us (W and I) in the capacity of IC, so she is certainly comfortable doing so, and i am sure she would be willing to do so again. Logisitically, I would likely just tell W there are some things that I need to work out and feel like i need to talk to Jessica in IC. Of course, if i do that, it's going to raise all sorts of doubts in my W's mind, and my W has a tendency to let her imagination run wild and assume the worst, and W is certain to keep asking me about it and bringing it up. So it's problematic from that standpoint. Options: 1) Talk to IC, don't tell W (I'm keeping secrets) 2) Talk to IC, tell W but not why (her imagination then drives her crazy wondering) 3) Talk to IC, tell W why, (which seems silly, might as well just discuss it with W in that case) 4) Do nothing (It likely passes after W gets back later this week and we reconnect, I get over it, and we move on... or maybe it festers like a tiny tumor... idk.)

All in all, first world problems, I suppose, given where we have been in the past and where we are now. I probably should have made it more of an issue at the time and insisted on discussing it and getting some closure. Not sure why i didn't . Maybe i feared the answer.