So wife and family returned from the holiday and I've been staying at the family home over the weekend. Things had mostly been good. Missed the kids loads and we had chatted about the holiday etc.
Friday night I watched a movie with the wife and we shared some beers. Trying hard to keep a PMA didn't raise anything about us I validated and validated . Shared some laughs, she questioned several times about my childhood experience and lack of family affection etc.
I kept my answers pretty short but we do have a habit of sharing about these things. She went out Saturday night , I watched the kids.
Things were good Sunday , she shared details of her night out, she was much more friendly offering help with me moving into new place etc. I cooked a family roast and we shared wine, one of her new friends came over and we all sort of chatted in the kitchen.
Conversation turned to friends relationships and in hindsight I should have left the room. My wife made several statements about the need to be with someone who came to you from an equal place. Not neediness and someone who you wanted to share your life with.
I kept pretty quite and just got on with the cooking. Meal went well ,got the kids to bed and slept in the spare room.
This morning the drawbridge slammed shut again.
She stated that these past few days were no good for anyone, it made her confused and probably confused me and the kids too.
She was also concerned about what her friends would think
She said she needed a private life, that she had shared too much with me about what she was doing socially and that we should only communicate about work and kids.
I validated and replied that things would be easier once I moved into new place this week and could help take some of the pressure off.
She stated that the kids were not the pressure, that I had been the burden , that she fell into feeling sad about me, and that she knew that all my issues could be worked through but that it was no longer her business.
I validated and agreed with this.
She then went on to say that eventually we would meet or sleep with someone and that she didn't want either of us to know about what the other was doing as that was the difficult and painful bit.
I told her I wasn't interested in meeting someone
She said at some point we will want to have some fun.
I didn't respond to that
She reiterated that everything had felt too normal the last few days and that she didn't trust me or that I wasnt working on her.
20 mins later she came back , raised the wills and power of attorney etc. I stated as far as my kids were concerned I would keep her named on my will and power of attorney etc.
She then raised getting a legal seperation after Christmas
I didn't really respond to this, I just listened to her.
I understand the last few days have been confusing for her. That after 16 years we have a habit of wanting to share with each other and Every time things seem amicable or too close the walls and drawbridge go up quick.
We are going to be around each other a bit this week with me moving out the house etc ( I did turn down the offer of help) I realise I have to pull back and fight the urge to pursue or reconnect.
I do like it when we do connect and share a laugh.
Is now the time to go back to her and state how I don't want a legal seperation or divorce but that I won't stand in her way What are some examples of how to word this?
She's bound to be incredulous that I would want to work on things or that I saw a future for us.
