H and his cowardice is on my mind. I suppose it's because the kids are home for the weekend and it brings up raw emotions about his lack of interest in the kids. How do these MCLrs do it? Just give up a loving family in such a manner? I don't suppose I will ever understand it. Maybe (probably) it doesn't matter.
Originally Posted by peacetoday
I dont think sharing her feelings with her dad is a good idea, at least not now- I see the MLCer discountiing the feelings others may have because they don’t think they did harm or refuse to face it and any rejection from him may make it worse. A therapist may be a good guide at this young age, she can learn to share her pain, deal with her grief so she can move ahead No one is pain free
I’ve given this a lot of thought. Perhaps my old self is coming out in that I am trying to control events (in this case the relationship between my kids and H). I think you hit the nail on the head. H doesn’t believe he did anything wrong. D20 just wants him to admit his actions (and maybe apologize?), instead of just makings excuses and giving lame reasons why he did what he did. I don’t think this will happen any time soon, if ever. I will leave it alone for now. D20 is in therapy. She has had 3 or 4 sessions, and is trying to go weekly. She says she is connecting with him. I’m glad.
S22 said he stopped communicating with his dad. He said he is considering sending him a note that H can maybe contact him after the New Year. He said his dad never initiated contact with him, so he stopped. So sad! We talked a bit about his college graduation coming up this spring. He said he’s not sure he even wants his dad there. Wow.
Went to a Halloween party last night. It brought up old wounds. Halloween was always a very big deal for H and I. Our home is well know for decorations. H really did a good job. Anyway, a Halloween party 2 years ago was on my mind. We invited, and went with, OW, her H and friends. They were in a full blown affair at the time. Looking back, I see the signs in how they interacted. A few months later I found out. All the old hurts came back. I’m trying to once again let them go. I’m not even handing out candy this year, much less decorating. I sold most of our decorations (made some nice money, too!). I have plans with a friend for dinner. I just can’t face all the questions about why H isn’t decorating this year.
I feel like I’m regressing a bit in dealing with all of this. I don’t want to be consumed with thoughts of what was, what H isn’t, the choices he’s made, and visions of H with OW (usually having fun, laughing, or even having sex). I hate it.
Maybe my problem is when they come, I fight them, so they never really leave. I need to let them come, and pass perhaps.
Easier said then done.
I realize these emotions will fade. Probably never go away, but fade and hurt a lot less. I think how far I’ve come in a year. Quite a long distance.
More time. That’s probably all I need now.
Right now, though, it’s time to love on my kids and get on with my day.
