Validation: Cheat Sheet

[DaB35]

I like the idea of letting the S 'hurl' the stuff in your direction, but rather than let it hit you, dodge out of the way by validating. As said before, you don't agree, you just empathise and try to understand how they are feeling by using the words they've given you (though being mindful of avoiding just repeating them parrot fashion).

Checking one situation though which I'm sure many of us find/found ourselves in:

If S says something and you validate fine ("Sounds like that was really upsetting for you" etc.) and that is all ok, but then they push you to answer a further more direct question, e.g. "So why DID you do [x]?" or "Did you not think about ME when you did [x]?"
What do you say?

Having just typed that, the second example might be ok..."You're saying that I did not consider you when I did [x]."

However the first example - how do you 'deflect' the accusatory tone and empathise without escalating? What if saying something like "I will have to think about that" goes down like a bucket of cold sick, and they respond with "No I want you to answer that RIGHT NOW" ?