I have seen this in a lot of sitch on this board that the WW/WAW accuses the spouse of being dangerous or they fear for their safety. Why is that? I had never cussed at my XW, threatened her physically, or threatened her verbally in my entire 22 years with her. When she left she said she couldn't talk to me without a mediator for her safety. I went to drop off D13 one time for a visitation and got out of the car to let XW know something about D13 and she started screaming at the top of her lungs "don't touch me, stop hurting me, leave me alone," which even shocked D13 because I wasn't even near her. After her first affair I never cussed or showed any aggressive action against her then either. So why do I see these accusations come up time and again?
My take on this, is that they have convinced themselves they are the victim, or at least want to make out they are...
From most things i've read, its rare for the WAW to admit the extent of what they are doing.. The affair may be the start of it ( and most deny its an affair or blame the LBS anyway as they want to avoid the truth) , but they made a choice and there are consequences.. The child issues, house sale issues, assett issues etc all stem from the choice they made to leave the marrige, but in most cases i read they are always the victim / try to justify it.. My take on this is, is that this victim mentality is just another part of the whole selfish WAW midset.
My WAW was the same.
She physically attacked me one night yet tells everybody i have verbally and mentally abused her. I had her mum threatening to get me "sorted out" and when i questioned the WAW on why her mum would think i abused her, she said it was her mums fault for making things up - NEVER her fault.
I woke up this AM to a stroppy txt from the WAW
Letter went out from my solicitor to her yesterday and her reply to the letter this morning was a txt saying she will not let me bully or dictate our child care arrengements. The reason for the letter wasnt to asking for anything different to what we agreed at seperation.. It was to tell her to stop choipping and changing when i can see my children ( ie stick to the schedule ) - But i am the bully ?
In my personal sitch i have tried the protect myself in every way against all of this.
Since OM2 popped up i have recorded every single conversation we have ever had on an old iphone in my pocket. However, you need to be careful with this as different countries have different laws. I was advised that the police would allow it as evidance, but it wouldnt be admissable in a child custody case and a judge would not like the fact conversations were recorded for child custody purposes.
However, before i found this site it was a mentality saver as my WAW would gas light me daily and i started to think i was going crazy. Once i realised that every other recording contradicted the previous one, i realised i wasnt a nut job and it was her not me. I can also prove now if i ever need to i never once raised my voice to her.
I have rules in place with my WAW where we txt, dont speak and i try and avoid any conversation with her. I still carry the old iphone with me though and record child exchanges, as i know that she will accuse me of anything.
Your sitch seems worse than mine and if i were you, i would definetly carry something to record conversations when you meet the WAW. You are fortunate that your Daughter is in your corner, but the last thing you want is the nutty WAW getting you put inside for saying you attacked her etc ( and this stuff does happen ! )
Protect yourself as much as you are protecting your daughter ! - She may have been your wife for years, but she would bury you alive given half the chance.
Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..
Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
