Gerda Rises Up to Go On

[Gerda]

Thank you everyone for checking in on me -- and yes, Grace, you know exactly how I feel, and yes, a dalliance would be far preferable. The domesticity is far more disgusting and hurtful.

Well, today I signed my life away to H. I was in that court room and everyone was screaming and the court attorney kept saying that she was going to order a trial because of all the fighting and H's L was dominating everything, and even though it's clear that everyone hates him, he was able to push everything H's way. I began to realize that my L was just not going to fight for me. So finally I said, "Fine, go to trial," and then they started up with the fact that H would be moving back in Nov 1, and at first I said, "OK, fine, great, the kids will love it," (sarcastically) and then I realized what lay ahead of me, all the fighting and motions filed and abusive e-mails and exposure to his evil ways to either keep him out or let him back in to force him back out, gambling on if he would want to now that he is stealing another man's wife openly. I realized that DnJ was right, my health was more important, and that this way would be horrible but at least it had an end in sight. So I agreed to the settlement.

I have to pay him $1250 a month til the house and our cabin (also a rental but very beloved and I use it when I can get there) are sold or he is bought out. This counts toward ED.
He does not have to pay his paltry child support of $500 a month, he gets to credit it towards ED until he gets his money from the house.
The 22K I paid him already does not count toward ED, only 5K of it does.
He gets to pick two brokers and I pick one of them and then he runs the entire process of selling and I have nothing t to do with it and he gets to do this til June. The only limit I was able to get was that they can't come when the kids are home and they can't interfere with my rentals but there will be a huge sign on my house and the kids have to walk past that for seven months not knowing if they will get to stay here. I have to match the offer he picks and he has until June to play the market. If no offer gets picked, he gets to reappraise the house at his own expense by same appraiser and I have to match that price, even if no offers came in that high.
I am allowed to buy him out of our cabin within 30 days but have to come up with the entire buyout, nothing I paid him so far can count toward the cabin buyout but only the big buyout of the house.

I kept protesting, but this makes no sense! He is not paying for anything! I am servicing all our debt and I don't even get money for child support! He refuses to work! And the court attorney just kept hissing at me, "You are enjoying his asset and keeping him away from it. Stop being intractable!" I think she believed the lies they kept telling about the income.

At one point, H was screaming that I was keeping everyone stuck in poverty for ten years, and that I had no right to try to hold on to a house I couldn't afford when I was hurting his children and he only cared about caring for his children and making sure they get fed! Even though he was openly refusing to work to pay the paltry $500 a month he is supposed to pay and his method of paying it is to sell their home!!! And his L said to him, You can get custody from her if she doesn't feed them.

And my L was pushing me, he kept saying, "The court is turning against you, they will force you to sell now with no chance for buy out!" But he never really managed to get me anything at all because H's L refused to bend on ANYTHING and the court did not care about my kids so my only option was to go to trial to try to get a little more fairness with no guarantee that I would!

IT WAS LIKE A FREAK SHOW OF ABSURD EVIL!!!!!

Now this is almost all disgusting and unfair and horrible. And it may mean that D10 will also no longer want to see H, so he has truly sold his children. (When I had to explain to her why the house would be put on the market instead of me trying to buy it out from H, because he wanted to try to see if he could get more money, she said, "I don't want to see him on Wednesday, I do not want to see him!" I told her that we would always have a good home no matter where we lived, we would have love and I would always make it cozy for her. But she was disgusted by H's greed, though she didn't know how to articulate that.)

But I traded it all for freedom from a trial. And now I am looking for a program to block e-mails and bounce them back so they won't even go to my spam. I can't block his calls/texts I guess because of visitation. But if anyone has any other ideas of how to block him as much as possible from being able to find me during the next seven months of him being the wicked king running the sale of my home (all a way to play the market to see how much more he can get than appraisal, though it may be that he gets less and then I still have to pay the appraisal!), please let me know.

Exhausted Gerda is in shock at the state of this world. No fault divorce allows all of this to happen. My story was never told, no one cared about the kids once custody was set, all they cared about was dividing the assets.

I guess it might be worth it to hire a GAL now because of the alcohol thing, etc., but I don't even know if it's worth it since she sees him so rarely.