I see a pattern that I want to attempt to point out. You seem to be somewhat blind to how she sets you up to be manipulated, plus you rationalize and give yourself permission to go along with what she wants. Look at the following:
First, is the set up: "Then she asked what I was having for dinner. Still using her best “I hate you” voice. I told her I was having leftovers." I have seen her use this particular method to set you up, many times last year. It starts with her getting you to serve her a meal.
Going into manipulation #1: "She said IF I made her some, could I leave it outside the door".
Rationalization #1: "(not a direct request)"
" I immediately said absolutely not, if she wants me to serve her dinner, she has to at least say thank you to my face". It appears that you totally miss how you are being played (manipulated). You want to make her thank you to your face. That would be fine, except you miss the bigger picture of how you are doing her bidding to get a measly thank-you.
Manipulation #2: "she then texted what about xx or XX? (Options for take out)".
Rationalization #2: "My anxiety was so high yesterday I had trouble eating much and I thought this sounded good".
Manipulation #3: "She said we should order online and I should come look at the menu with her".
By this time, you appear to stop rationalizing, and just do what she says. It must be very draining to live in this type of situation.
Manipulation #4: "So I went back down, the door is now open, and went into the room where she was laying in the bed, in only underwear". "So we made our order and off I went to pick it up".
"Back to the story, she was on the game chat playing with her and I brought the food in. She said thank you and I immediately went upstairs to eat". So, you got your thank-you, but look at the hoops she made you jump through before getting a measly thank-you.
Four times she manipulated you in a few short minutes, and it was all hooked to you serving her that meal. I hope you can understand that the meal was not important to her. That was simply a tool she used to play the manipulation game. You get distracted by other things, like the phone.......or making her say thank-you to your face. But let me tell ya, this girl was in full control here, and enjoys playing you.
I simply point this out. It is not to harass you. If it helps you see how she works you, where she starts, and how you give yourself permission to follow whatever she says.........then hopefully, that is the beginning of awareness and being your own person. I am not beating you down (((44))). I am not saying you are less of a man. Sometimes we all experience a certain blindness to those we love.
My heart goes with you as you attend the memorial services for your grandfather.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
