Divorce because I betrayed her trust - THREAD 4

[crdcheck]

Having a lowish morning. Thinking about the wrongs I did. I lied to W, and concealed a lot. I did betray her trust.
I have remorse for everything. I am sad that she did not want to wait.

Something to consider - yes, you betrayed her trust, but didn't she also betray you? She found something out, you owned up to it, took actions to rectify the situation, atone for the mistake, and her response is that "It would be six months of my life wasted". That's a betrayal, too - this is someone you should be able to be vulnerable with, grow with, and she is turning her back on you.

My point is not that you're right and she's wrong, I just want to remind you that you are a good person who has done some bad things, as is she, and you should expect her to acknowledge and atone for her role in this relationship (and dissolution) if you are to move forward as a couple in the future.

From my IC, I realise that I was depressed to a degree, as well as stressed and unhappy. I never disclosed this to W. I never set boundaries. I never let her know when she'd upset me. I never let her know when I was feeling vulnerable or unhappy. She had to prize it out of me. I was happy with her - we laughed so much together, and did a lot together - but I had accepted a lot of her flaws and put up with them without arguing with her about them. However, she'd always pull me up on things I did frequently. That fuelled my unhappiness.

Sounds like you didn't feel comfortable being vulnerable with her. That's definitely something you can work on individually but she should also be understanding, especially once you tried to clear the air (rather than lie, obfuscate, etc.). Shaming someone does not make them capable of opening up to you in the future.

I know I shouldn't be feeling so sad. I've made such good progress recently. I am happy that I can do whatever I want at the mo, and enjoying my GAL, especially the gym.

My view on this is that I'm letting myself feel this, then just carry on. I feel good knowing that I'm currently the best version of me ever. I just feel sad that the one person I want to share that with is no longer around.

There is no right or wrong way to feel, you feel how you feel. And it's natural to feel sad about losing something that was such a big part of your life, even if other parts are starting to take their place and you start seeing the issues with your W. It's not a straight line - you'll have good days and bad days, more good as time goes on as you maintain your GALs and take ownership of your life.

Sounds like you are doing great, validating, GALing, worrying less about what W thinks. You should be proud!