Divorce because I betrayed her trust - THREAD 4

[DaB35]

Having a lowish morning. Thinking about the wrongs I did. I lied to W, and concealed a lot. I did betray her trust.
I have remorse for everything. I am sad that she did not want to wait.

When I suggested that we continue the separation and see how things work out in 6 months or more - so that if D did happen, at least we could both say we tried - her reaction was that she did not want to hang around. "It would be six months of my life wasted."

From my IC, I realise that I was depressed to a degree, as well as stressed and unhappy. I never disclosed this to W. I never set boundaries. I never let her know when she'd upset me. I never let her know when I was feeling vulnerable or unhappy. She had to prize it out of me. I was happy with her - we laughed so much together, and did a lot together - but I had accepted a lot of her flaws and put up with them without arguing with her about them. However, she'd always pull me up on things I did frequently. That fuelled my unhappiness.

I know I shouldn't be feeling so sad. I've made such good progress recently. I am happy that I can do whatever I want at the mo, and enjoying my GAL, especially the gym.

My view on this is that I'm letting myself feel this, then just carry on. I feel good knowing that I'm currently the best version of me ever. I just feel sad that the one person I want to share that with is no longer around.

One GAL this week was I went to a professional barbers for a hot towel wet shave. It was one of the most relaxing experiences of my life. It was great. I was always sacred to do it; worried that people would be looking at me, pointing or laughing (now I laugh at that - why would I think that would happen?!) but I just went in off the street and asked about it, went back to work, booked it online, came back after work, and enjoyed it. My skin has never felt better! I would now like to treat myself to this every few months. I have a routine at home also - looking after myself is helping me feel better.