Gerda Rises Up to Go On

[Gerda]

OwnIt, thank you so much for writing, and DnJ too. It means so much! I will respond when my head is a little clearer, you said a lot and I want to think about it and write back properly.

I came on here tonight actually to ask Job to send me a refresher about how to see the OW and the affair/remarriage, etc.

A few years ago, H started up about selling the house because he said he wanted to marry OW. It seems that now he is finally undertaking his plan. (He doesn't want to work, obviously, so that's how he can have money. I remember once finding her credit card info at our house, I guess he convinces all his women to pay for things.) D10 has been asking me so many questions and talking about H and OW and reporting all these inappropriate things they said/did (and also told me H gives her wine to drink when she is with him) and then my son found out about OW and we had to talk about it all together for a while, and so I am just consumed with this horrible feeling of dread and pain, stopped eating, etc. I felt like I healed so much this past year since H moved out, and her reappearance alongside now having to talk about it all the time with my kids has really knocked me over. I have that sick, can't-eat, endlessly nervous feeling I had after BD, as if I have learned nothing and not grown at all. (And having two terrible court dates this week is not helping!) I may be wrong, but I feel that if it were some other woman who came along now, I would not be that bothered by it. The fact that it is still her, that she and he finally succeeded in wrecking two families with his help, is really hurting me. I looked her up and saw that she worked at the same college he and I both worked at in 2014, when I had cancer. I never knew that before and didn't want to know. It is so horrifying to think that she is still around after all the time I spent on my knees asking God to send her back to her family, etc. I remember when I got that job at the college where he worked, I asked him if the OW was there as I needed to be prepared, and he told me no, that she was long-distance. A couple months later I discovered the cancer, had mastectomy and had to take time off from that college. All these things falling into place in my mind now are a whole new feeling of grief. I have those fantasies I had in the beginning of showing up at her workplace or finding her husband, etc.

I know it's crazy and a total regression! I need LBS love and a hand out of this pit!

I can't believe I have been on this journey for so long and this is such a setback for me, as if I am starting over.

I need a refresher course, Job and anyone else. I was looking at this post --

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2484619#Post2484619

But I don't know how I could prevent my D from being around her as my H now brings her almost every time. D even asked if they could sometimes see each other without OW, and H said, "Why? Don't you like OW? Don't you like her?" My priest said the same thing, to keep my D away from her. But it doesn't seem I can.

XO from Regressing Gerda