I'm sorry this is so tough on you. I keep trying to think of what I could say to make it better for you in some way but I lack the belief to comfort you in the way that you seem to want to be comforted. I think I also see a lot of myself in you. Mental strength and toughness, probably control issues, and maybe some interpersonal rigidity. Not being able to have any control in my situation has been very tough and I have battled it greatly. But, at some point I stopped fighting it and decided that this whole situation was a great way for me to learn humility, grace, and letting go. I try to focus on that now, and to fight what feels like ego wanting to win or get my way.
I sometimes wonder if you did a little frame shift on how you think about these matters it might empower you. For example, you frequently refer to yourself as "little" Gerda, implying perhaps subconsciously, that you are weak. You seem more like the mighty Gerda to me. Very sure of yourself and your belief in your own positions. I have many times gotten the impression that your husband is afraid of you and I wonder that you don't use this more to your advantage.
I also wonder why you guys have so many courtroom showdowns. If things are becoming violent, then the parties should not be meeting up. Did you try a mediation with a qualified family mediator where you and your husband are in different rooms for the whole time? One session where you bang everything out. This is how most family cases resolve when people can't work it out between themselves.
I know you don't want to have to move the kids during the school year, but if that is causing so much stress to you and expense, it seems like maybe it might be better to do it now. I imagine the lawyer has given you an indication of whether they think the house will have to be sold as part of the divorce. If it is to happen, then wouldn't it be better to give him half of a real number now and be done with him rather than half of a hypothetical number that you have to spend countless stress and dollars getting to?
Also, what did your lawyer think about him withholding child support pending an offset at sale while you have to pay him support now? Seems an odd situation. If he can offset and has the means to pay his lawyer, then why wouldn't you be able to do the same?
I have heard it said many times that if you can't change your situation, then you have to change the way you feel about your situation. That would seem to fit here. You seem very much like a survivor to me. Someone who will find a way to make things happen to make things happen one way or another.
