Well, I did it - no contact all today w/ H. I didn't come up w/ any reason to "need" to call or text him. It probably helps that he was a total a** yesterday. Today was differnt tho - I felt more distanced from it all for some reason. I wish I felt like this all the time but I imagine it will come & go for awhile. Weekends are always tough, especially in the summer when I would love to be doing something together that we had planned - camping or something.
Yesterday he said he was filing for D. I imagine he will, but he is not usually good at following thru on those things. It's like he doesn't know how to go about things like that. He does have a day off next week to go to the dentist so maybe he will do it then. Then again, maybe if I leave him alone he will let it go for now.
I told H yesterday that I did not want the divorce but if it was what he wanted there wouldn't be much I could do to stop him. He pretty much says he wants nothing, just me out of his life. He still keeps insisting I should be the one filing & starting it all. Don't really understand his reasoning on this one.
As Cindy suggested, I was thinking about the triggers that cause our worst arguments. It is usually because he makes a comment about how he never wants to hear from me again or he starts saying things that make me feel like I have to defend myself & that our marriage was worth something. I then get upset & start in on how other people (OW, family, etc) in his life that irritate him sometimes are still "allowed" to call him & he helps them out if needed. I also start in about how 2 weeks ago he said he loved me & now he says he doesn't have those feelings at all & never will again etc... I feel the need to try to reason w/ him even tho I know this is a cheeseless tunnel & in his current mindset he would never admit to agreeing w/ me. I read in someones thread that it might be better just to agree w/ what they say - if they can't get a reaction out of you they will probably stop trying.
So, I need to stop contact w/ him & try to have no expectations. he knows how to push my buttons & that gets me in to trouble & I backslide big time. I get angry because he is leaving me to deal w/ financial problems & other house projects etc but if I bring any of it up, I think he feels too much pressure & gets mad. In the past if I can let it go for a little while he has come back around offering $$ etc.
I hope he lets go of the d stuff for awhile. I don't really know what happens once he files. I got divorced about 8 yrs ago but had a lawyer that handled it all.
Thanks for the support & I will try to catch up on some of your threads. I am trying to think positive but don't want to get my hopes up either.
