The last straw

[MrBrside]

Waywardness is an act of free volition. It is not forced upon any woman to lose respect for her H. It begins with unresolved resentment that she's tried to push down and go on with her life, but it's still there in her heart. She may carry this unresolved resentment for years, and the H may have no idea. Since her sexual desire is tied to her level of respect for her H, sexual intimacy flies out the window pretty fast. Many couples have a SSM for years, and the H thinks she simply has a low drive.........no, she doesn't respect him, and that's the problem in the bedroom. Eventually, the loss of respect and unresolved resentment will breed and other negative attitudes are born. Selfishness becomes a big proponent, suggesting she deserves better, or this is her time to do what she wants, etc. The little signs of disrespect come more to the surface in forms of rebellion. Eventually the little signs grow into all out rebellion. She rebels against her H, the marriage.

Hi Sandi,

Sorry to thread Hijack, but this is a great post. Really insightful.

My sitch is ancient history now and I’ve moved on, but whenever I read these sitchs ( all so similar ) I can never pinpoint what caused the lack of respect in my WAW. I rarely think about it in day or day life, but when I read stuff like your post above it always makes me wonder.

In my sitch, me and my WAW had an amazing relationship until our first daughter was born. There were one or two red flags, but generally we were in a great place. Plenty of affection, lots of great and exciting sex ( several times a day until the day before she gave birth ) , great communication, always fell asleep in each others arms and always doing things together... looking back now In a sad kind of way, It was like a fairy tail romance.. I am not seeing that period before D1 birth with rose tinted specs, there were loads of token gestures we kept and pictures of us looking madly in love, although I accept I ignored some red flags on her traits. She as a person was also very different ( she looks like a different person on photos now compared to before D1 was born) – Back then she was very “plain Jane” ( but naturally pretty ), wore average no designer clothes, no makeup, normal hair, out occasionally with her girl mates etc. She was a catch – a normal girl who wasn’t obsessed with herself or money / clothes / looks.. In her own words, she just wanted a “home bird” settled life.

Once our first daughter was born things changes very quickly ( which progressed a lot more over the next 6 years ) - Sex went from multiple times a day to once a week “get it over with quickly ” if lucky ( blamed tiredness from the baby usually ), and over the next few years she went from Plain Jane to a botox, boob jobbed, self-obsessed, spending on clothes obsessed, selfie lover who started to drink every single night and go out every other weekend. Looking back now it was obvious how she had little respect, just by little comments ( i.e. she used to love to drive my sports car, but after daughter was born, she always referred to it as a “chavvy car” that I needesd to sell)

Now its only natural to expect a mother to give 100% to her new born, at the expense of our relationship to a degree – and I have no doubt that I went from Alpha to Beta once our daughter was born, but I doubt that happened overnight.
Can a new born baby cause the resentment you mention above ? Could it be the life she lost ( ie working, independence, socialising ) to being a full time mum while I got to go to work and carry on as normal – could that cause the resentment?
You touch upon BPD and Narasasim. My WAW shows a lot of traits of both of these and still does on the limited contact I have with her. I find it shocking how a person can change so much. Now i feel she see cares more about herself than the children. When our first was born, all the pictures on the phone were of D1.. Before she left, her phone was 100% selfies ( sometimes including the children ) – but always including her.. I will never understand what made a person change so much and actually before everything they used to hate.

But really love the time you spend giving the LBS the insight..