hoosjim, your questions are extremely helpful. You are right about the extra pain and damage caused by confirmations of infidelity. I really have to consider if it's worth it. But I also completely agree with you that these things always reveal themselves and I also would have expected a bigger slip up by now. She would have to be almost a professional to be pulling it off with so little evidence. And considering only a year ago, she was exactly like you said, head in the clouds, oblivious apparently to how obvious she was making it, it just seems unlikely she would somehow suddenly be an expert. I will keep my eyes open, but there really just might not be an A. Just overall waywardness as Sandi discussed is possible.
I am leaving in the morning to go to my grandfather's funeral out of state. I am still fighting the bad feelings yesterday's conversation gave me. I have anxiety about her coming home today. Part of me wants to grant her wish and just stay away with my family, perhaps not totally defining how long. Right now, I am only supposed to be gone for two days. But if I am honest, this is just in hopes that it would somehow change her mind. That when she stops having this battle to fight over getting me out, I won't be able to be the bad guy anymore. That she will be here with no help and no support and find that she is not magically happier. So I feel it is a foolish thing to do for those reasons. That it is not in line with my detachment and letting go of the MR. And once I leave, I may never be able to return. At this point, I don't even feel it is ridiculous to say that I don't know if I trust leaving all my possessions and dog here with her.
After moving past my satisfaction at recognizing and fighting her manipulation, I am just feeling broken hearted. I am trying to detach and let go, but today I just feel so SAD. I am proud I am standing up for myself and not falling for her antics, but I read a post Sandi wrote me last year that talked about how I could call out her behavior and not tolerate it, but it will not change the fact that if she does no work, the MR will not improve. This remains true today. The MR I dream of is just that--a dream. I guess I am mourning over a fantasy.
