Well, H is starting to move his stuff out again. He also sounds pretty serious about the D this time. Says he will give me whatever I want & walk away w/ nothing just to get it over with. Guess he really wants out.
I have done a terrible job DBing this week. I guess not terrible but backsliding tons, I think because I feel desperate for him to stay. It's hard to believe there could even be a chance after this. He sounds so sure about wanting the D for th 1st time ever. Before he would say it but would never do anything about it & would always throw something in about loving me & maybe, hopefully we could get it to work. Now he says nothing like that. Just that he wants out & doesn't feel that this is the place/life for him.
These are the reasons he gave me for why this will never work between us: Nothing in common Can't communicate Too much arguing Different backgrounds I'm controlling I don't take any responsibility for our problems Nothing to hold on to in our marriage - we have/had feelings for each other but nothing else to hold us together There was nothing there in the 1st place - love but that is not enough He is not mariage material & can't meet my expectations & doesn't want the responsibilities of marriage
I know these are all the things many WA's use - I think Michelle mentions most in her books. the thing that is frustrating to me is that he has told me since he has been back that he can see the changes I have made. But this week, since he made his "decision", he says I haven't changed at all & it is all my fault that he is not staying.
I admit I am still not great at validating, but I admit that I contributed to our problems but he thinks I don;t take any responsibility. He thinks I am blaming him for everything because he is the one leaving. I guess I do blame him there for not being committed enough to make this work. But, how do you deal with feeling like you are changing but they only see the stuff that still needs work?
Sorry I am babbling here, I am just so sad. I am trying to not take to heart everything that he is saying: he makes me feel like our marriage meant nothing & there was never anything there between us. I know this is not true & is the "alien" speaking, but it still hurts & makes me question things. It amazes me that I was feeling like i had moved forward & made some positives changes in my life & how a few words from H can send me backwards.
The only positive I see is that alot of his "issues" are within my control if I really DB & figure out how to truely detach. It just seems that whatever I do, he wants the opposite. If I try too hard to do things to make him happy, he gets irritated. If I back off & try to let him take care off himself, he gets upset because I am not doing things. He always tells me to worry about me & not him so much, but when I do, he gets mad. An example is - I have made dinner almost every night he has been here, at least something. The one night I don't feel like it, he bitches about it all night. I feel like I just can't win.
Does anyone think I have a chance here? Or will it always just be more of the same?
