As far as I can tell, the major issue is my pregnancy weight gain. We have three kids between the ages of three and six, and I gained about 100 pounds through the three pregnancies. I’ve lost about 45lbs since my youngest was born, but it’s taken three years to get there, and half of that is since BD. I always knew my weight bothered H, but he never really said anything, and I never prioritized myself. The last I heard about my weight was right after the youngest was born, and I thought I was making progress. I was also overweight when we first started dating, which makes things more confusing. He wasn’t physically attracted to me—he said he was attracted to who I was as a person.
Hi Lost Rose, I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're obviously not alone in facing BD nor being overweight. We're here to help. Post often to get things off your chest or ask advice.
So, you were attractive enough he married you and had three children.
Losing weight is great--it facilitates being active, reduces health risks, and makes dating easier. I wonder what else made "who you were as a person" when you met. Were you prioritizing yourself? Were there aspects of your life that you loved then but not now, that you wish that you could have back?
I've always wanted to lose weight, but haven't prioritized it until now. I wasn't in shape at all when H and I first met. I did start going to the gym on a regular basis before we had kids, but it was never a structured workout. I'm following a plan this time, so we'll see how that goes.
Before we started dating, we were pretty much best friends and had a really strong emotional connection. After having kids, we kind of got caught up in everyday life and never took time for ourselves or our relationship. We never really had a babysitter, and the few times we did get to go out, it was very unplanned.
Since separating, I've started to see a bit of our old connection return. H was actually being playful with me when I was at the house last night, however it was so unexpected that I didn't know how to react.
