Gerda Rises Up to Go On

[DnJ]

Good Morning Gerda

Best of luck today with court.

I am glad you are reading a book about divorcing a narcissist. I bet it was amazing and affirming when H’s behaviour was laid out on the pages you were reading. There is comfort in that. In knowing you/we are not the only ones. This is more common than we realize(d).

I think you and I are dancing around the same idea; slightly different views and syntax.

Surrendering one’s will and not eating ice cream every meal, or lying, stealing, cheating, etc... - is the first step. That blind obedience. One then rebels and challenges the idea, usually has some karmic cause and effect befall them, finds the wisdom within said idea, and then chooses to follow their new found wisdom. Chooses their free will; no longer surrendered.

I did/do this kind of thing. Lol. When W and I were first moved in together and all of life is at your command, all that freedom. We had Nanaimo bars and ice cream for a few meals. Oh my goodness. I felt sooooo sick. Haha haha. We choose to not eat half a pan of sugary goodness for supper.

The people around you, me, us LBS, that live through a spouse suffering such a crisis, these people are also trying to wrap their head around what is going on. However, their view, their lens, their understanding is not your’s. The MLCer rewrites their history, weaves such a tale, which ensnares themselves and quite often others in the periphery, those outside the blast radius.

We, LBS do get caught up in that rewrite as well. Sword and shield Gerda! You know the life your lived and had before he changed. You have pictures, letters, memories, etc... Doubts are perfectly fine, and normal. I think you know better than to drink his koolaid - or those who mean well but haven’t lived this.

DnJ -- do you battle that too or are you very sure that your W was nothing like who she is now? Are you confident that you couldn't have known?

For 30 years her and I enjoyed our lives together.

I think she was always this person, this tormented soul from long ago. It was just hidden from me and her.

You see both views are correct. And with that in mind - Yes, I am confident that I couldn’t have, and didn’t, know this. And she was nothing like she is now. The MLCer changes completely 180 degrees, and that new person was always lurking within them, silenced for so long, unheard for decades, until they burst forth.

Have faith in your choice of mate, lover, friend, and companion. You had many good years - Do not forget that.

Now let go.

This is so very hard Gerda, and I feel for you. I’ve live through it. Lost more than ever, and then gained more than I ever thought I could.

My hopes are with you today.

DnJ