Found myself reading the dB and dr books and now want to re read them again. Great stuff! But with that said, I am finding myself second guessing my work as well as being very confused as to what I want. I am learning and growing in areas I should have been working on for years. Although there are many areas I found myself strong in, I am angry that I continued to lack in areas which, if I knew then what I know now would have potentially been a game changer for the M. Now I find myself getting angry at myself and would like to express my feelings with the W.
Good news is this opportunity has not come up even though I asked to have a discussion with her. This ha been a serious issue through the M whereby she will have a short conv and move on. The issue is still there but she is finished with it only to fester in her mind for years without addressing it. Best it has been on hold until I get myself in check. Learning a lot on self control, which I am still poor in doing. Need to work hard on this.
Realizing slowly it’s about ME, and not her at this point. I am slowly starting to realize I may be better without her. I find myself thinking this more often than not lately. This wavering in my mind has my emotions all over the board. Being in limbo with her and in my mind [censored].
I’ll be back to post tomorrow. Just need to get my feelings off my chest.....
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Me 58 W 58 T 36 yrs. M 32 yrs D 27 D 23 BD 8/3/19 Waiting for filing from W
