Kristin, I agree with AS on the lock changing. It doesn't mean you can't let her in if she drops by (if you so choose) but it means she can't crawl into bed with you in the middle of the night and gives you more control over the situation. Do you have a key to her place? If not, then it feels pretty fair for you to have privacy in your own home.

Also, a thought on the texting-- agree with ovr that controlling someone's text messaging especially not knowing what they're up to on their phone is complicated and doesn't look good. (I went through this phase where I was vvv curious what my H was doing on his phone and would hover and kind of try to peek surreptitiously, then always turned out he was texting his brother, or doing the crossword puzzle, etc. I finally decided to stop caring because there was nothing I could do about it anyway and it just made me feel crazy (plus made me look needy and suspicious). Anyway, I don't think you always need to verbally state all your boundaries, and the texting is one. She starts ignoring you and focusing on her phone? Don't reinforce that behavior by sticking around, or trying to talk to her and win her attention-- just leave. She puts the phone down and focuses on you? Maybe I'd reinforce that behavior?

Me (46) H (42)
M:14 T:18, D9 & D11
4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs
9/20 - present: R and piecing