Yes - you need to be calm, cool and collected when it comes to the negotiations.
One goal is to make things seem like "win-win" - or at least, equal losing. If you "win" 50:50 but she "wins" first right of refusal for after-school care, that's a good start. The sooner the better in terms of getting that nailed down because once she realizes what she's giving up in terms of child support she may fight for more custody.
Also the sooner alimony or at least official support payments (based on what alimony will be) get started the closer she will be to being able to rent a place.
So, although it seems counter-intuitive, since you don't want the divorce, you are still better off if you move it along. The longer it drags on the less generous she will become - and the more precedent will be set.
Also - since you bought the house so recently, will you be upside down in the house? Would moving into it yourself and getting a roommate to help pay the bills be a feasible alternative?
