Am I Wasting my TIme?????

[sage]

Anyway, last night he started saying that he is not happy being back here, he loves me but is never going to be husband material for anyone, he only came back to make me happy & because I convinced him he was wrong to leave, made him feel guilty, etc. I asked why he has been acting lovey dovey, affectionate, happy. He said he is just trying to make the best of it. Doesn't like having to be responsible to me, etc.

OK -- bear with me...I hope that this doesn't come off as too blunt...

One thing that sort of resonates with me here is that he feels as though he's not living up to your expectations, perhaps? The notion of not being "husband material" is a familiar one to me -- h has told me before that he just doesn't feel cut out for it. What I think that PARTLY means is that he's not sure he can make ME happy (and who can blame him when I'm sometimes just seething with disappointment or resentment or anger over perceived slights?) and PARTLY I think it's about not feeling free enough to BE HIM...to not have to feel responsible for being a "certain way" -- of course, this can be exacerbated by whatever expectations I'm toting around the house.

So...I guess what I'd ask you is this: what are you bringing (back?) to the table about expectations and demands? I'm not saying that you should NEVER be able to expect something from him or hold him responsible but IMHO, that often comes most easily when you can drop the rope and let HIM make the "responsible" choice.

This is my verbose way of saying that it really seems as though he's reacting to the pressure/tightening you described in yourself and if you can get back to a place of loosening your grip...well...perhaps the outcome will surprise you!

Sage