Confused and Lost

[KristinG]

UC, thanks! I'm making a list and trying to really commit BEFORE giving any boundaries bc I have made mistakes over the last year of not enforcing a stated boundary.

Just to clarify for all:

She does not live with her AP. She is renting a house and lives alone, although I suspect AP is over quite frequently and I also suspect that she stays with AP some. I don't have proof, just a gut feeling.

Ovr,

I agree - I have been very careful of talking with her "friends" in any capacity because I know it will get back to her. I tried to be as vague as possible and just state that I am focused on myself and I hope she figures out what she wants/needs.

And yes, it is the playing both sides of the fence that is hurtful. In my sitch, it feels like she wants for US to have a future but she is going on this "journey" to find herself.

I know not to believe anything she says. She tells me she and AP have not had any type of physical R since March. She tells me they are in love but know that nothing can come of it. She is emotionally supporting AP through her cancer diagnosis.

Her Actions: She plays "wife" on an whim. One day here, making plans, saying "I think xyz will be good for our future", etc. The next day she is almost completely radio silent.

My Actions: Stopped snooping (HOORAY). Trying to learn to listen and let her talk through things. I don't initiate any conversations. I don't call her first, I don't initiate texting convos, I don't ask about plans.