Hi Ballast. I agree with much of what you are saying. In terms of introducing the kids to someone, I think it really depends on the situation...in particular, the vulnerability of the kids. In my case, my kids are very connected to their dad. They aren’t looking for a father figure and I’m not looking for anyone to be that for them.
My kids met my boyfriend pretty early on in a very casual, nonchalant kind of way. He doesn’t have kids and hasn’t been around a lot of kids so things were a bit awkward at first but now it’s been six months, there is a pretty good level of comfort on both sides but still not the kind of connection where I would worry very much about them being highly impacted if we broke up. Their primary concern would be my emotional state so if I looked okay, they would be okay too.
My kids are also turning 12 in December so are getting to that adolescent stage of caring way more about their peer relationships than their mom’s love life. Now if they were younger and their dad had disappeared from their lives, I would be much more cautious as I would worry about them becoming overly attached.
So, in short, I think every situation is different and depends on a lot of factors. I also think that you wouldn’t want to wait too long as you would want to know how your SO is around your kids. If there is a big problem, you are going to want to know that before you get overly attached. I would not want to be with someone my kids didn’t like or someone who had too many opinions about my parenting or was irritated by the presence of my kids. I also would not want to be with someone who is more interested in my kids than in me.
