Persistant Endurance (Part 7)

[MrBrside]

I came here to try and save my MR. I think that’s why most LBS come here. Somewhere along the line it usually turns into saving ourselves as the MR is gone. One way I find it helpful to discover what works is to read other people’s sitches that have been through this before. Yes, it’s true, there are VERY few success stories. All I can do is give it the best I can for as long as I can. I’m not saying that I’m going to copy the success stories and attempt to recreate those scenarios in the exact same manner; however, I am going to learn and apply what I feel is appropriate for my sitch.

I 100% agree with the first statement.. I used the word "magic bullet" in my previous post, as i think thats what most LBS want to find when they come here ( i read that term on here ).. We come here looking for a way to save our MR. And as per above, once we begin to read other posts, realise what we are going through is common, and listen to the vets who have seen this 100 times before, we realise its no longer about the MR, but us, and the kids.
So your first few lines are spot on.. Sorry to say, but the next line shows where your head is still at. When you say giving it the best that you can, for as long as you can.... Well you are doing a great job and have been for a long time... But at PERSUING... NOT detaching. You are still checking her messages and until 2 weeks ago were still applying pressure. So for 9 months you have been doing what you feel appropriate - against the advice on 100% of the people on here.

We get it. We were all there once and some people can detach quicker than others.

Over the past 2 weeks, aside from the horse, I am out of the equation. As I’ve stated I'm concerned about the legal ramifications of relocating the horse. I have been following a plan that I laid out a couple threads ago. Yes, my timeline has prolonged much longer than I anticipated. However, most of us know there is no quick fix.

Fair play on this, and i get that things are never straight forward. I ( we on the forum ) don't know your personal / legal logistics. But what i will say is i think you need to remove your rose tinted glasses and take a long hard look at this time line and the horse etc and be honest with yourself.. Is this whole thing prolonged because you are allowing it to take longer, in an effort to hopefully sway her back.. You have been discussing this since May from memory.. That seems very very prolongued.

Forgiveness is possible and trust can be restored, but she will need to do some very heavy lifting to make that happen. I will DB with time, space, and staying dim for a period of time. Then, we’ll see who takes action first. I am ok with whatever outcome at this point

Sorry Curtis, but i dont buy this for a second. My take on heavy lifting and based on your desporation to win her back is a kiss, kuddle and "i love you" - You would let her move back in tomorrow IMO.

We all come here to save our MR, but you really need to look at the statistics on this. The majority of WAWs that go on to have a MR 2.0 actually do the same thing again anyway. I have found a handfull of examples online where people made MR 2.0 work long term and the WAW stayed loyal. From the examples i have found where MR2.0 worked, the WAW usually realises very soon what they are about to lose. In your sitch, and the majority (all i found actually ) where the WAW has gone / left the marital house, its very rare they come back giving it 100%.. They may want to when they they realise the grass isnt greener, but once back, they are still not happy - Even if she does return in 2 years time, the chances are very slim that she wouldnt do the same thing again once she gets back into the same routine. Without trying to offend, your WAW has issues. It is obvious from the posts you have written and the way she acts. She needs to fix herself ( if possible ) before even considering a healthy relationship. I suspect that a lot of these issues were present long before BD as well, but i susepct you chose to ignore the flags ( i'm totally guilty of this myself )... You cant help her or control her.. The same way i cant control you... But what i will say is that once you let her go ( really let her go ) you will begin to look back on what you had differently and realise that
1) - she wasnt all that
2 ) - you ignored lots of red flags
3 ) - There is a better life out there

Once in that place and you are in a better place, ( give it 12 months min ) you will realise there are other women out there, and life moves on.. Learn from this forum, stop with the NGS and dont ignore them red flags that you ignored first time round..Learn from the mistakes the WAW is making with the kids and most importantly, dont make them same mistakes when you meet a new lady and your head goes pop and the butterflys kick in.

Always put you and the children first !